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March 14, 2011

Be Careful In Florida

By RetroRuth

You know, I am really getting sick of all this winter.  Really, really sick of it.  I mean, come on, it is time for it to stop snowing in Michigan.  It has stopped snowing in other places. Like Florida.  In fact, a friend of mine went to Miami a few weeks ago and had a fantastic time.  She also said that I would DIE if I could see all the houses down there.  So, I’ve decided maybe it is time for a little vacation. You know, shake the snow off my boots and get away from winter for a while.

But, as for all vacations, I need to get prepared.

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Thanks to this manual, from 1957, now I can have a great time AND not die.

It’s win-win!

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The various kinds of Florida snakes, sketched by the author.

Have I ever mentioned I hate snakes above all things? Except maybe fish. Actually, the worst thing in the world is watching a snake swim through the water. Blech! I am gagging just thinking about it.

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The Black Widow spider.  Also very scary and deadly.

And scary.

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A scorpion.


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A centipede (gross) and a cute  little guy called a Puss Moth Caterpillar who  will apparently cause a severe, burning rash to break out on your skin if you touch him.  Nice.

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And now, disgusting swimming things that can sting and hurt/kill you. That dapper little fellow at the bottom is a sea urchin, whose spines can break off in your foot and cause festering sores.

Now, who is ready for a hike and then a nice relaxing swim?

Not me, though. I’ll be shopping. If I see any nice stuff I’ll bring it to the hospital for you.

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8 Responses to Be Careful In Florida

  1. Eartha Kitsch Reply

    March 14, 2011 at 10:32 am

    Oh my gosh, Florida. I want to love Florida but can’t after being forced to spend every single Summer there camping in the heat as a kid. Stepping in enormous fire ant hills by accident while wearing flip-flops. Screaming like a girl in the bathhouse because frogs and lizards would run through the showers and toilet areas. Being horrified while swimming for fear of jellyfish stings. Maybe I just need a spa visit to Florida to wipe it all away but I remember fear striking my heart when my parents would begin to get the pop-up camper ready for our yearly trip. I was certain that somewhere in Florida, there were theme parks and vermin-free, air conditioned hotels with cool blue swimming pools – but it couldn’t be proved my family!

  2. Sara in AZ Reply

    March 14, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    Gosh, Florida sounds just like Az! What with all the black widows and scorpions and snakes and stuff. Eeks!!!

  3. Miss RM Reply

    March 14, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Ha! Maybe the snow is worth it, after all. At least up here, when things bite you, you get an itchy spot … not a quick and painful death! Seriously, if you can stand the ocean temperatures, even the jellyfish are safe. They just sort of bump up against you and seem confused.

    This all makes me a menace in a southern climate, though. It never occurs to me that I shouldn’t be traipsing through the long grass in my sandals. Someday I’ll be taught a lesson!

  4. Andrea Reply

    March 14, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Accckkk! The centipede!! All those feet!!! I am going to be having nightmares. And appreciating cold Alberta a little, since we don’t get those creatures here … except for the centipedes, ick!

  5. sablemable Reply

    March 15, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    I see the booklet forgot to tell you about the gators who dwell in fresh water, so don’t go swimming in a lake. Oh, yeah, gators can live in brackish waters, such as rivers. And all of the Burmese pythons that have been let loose in the Everglades by the stupid people who bought them as pets (!) and that they move inland and eat your dogs. The other creepy-crawly snakes are everywhere and whenever I’m in FLA, I go crazy looking down at the ground with every step I take.
    One reason why I don’t like Florida and would rather stay here in my frozen tundra, eh Andrea?

    Otherwise, have a great time, Ruuuuuuuuuuuth!

  6. sablemable Reply

    March 15, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    I forgot about the fire ants! Thanks, Eartha! And the bears and other wildlife!

    Thanks but no thanks.

  7. Emily Catherine Reply

    March 20, 2011 at 7:51 am

    Awesome! I wish I had a copy of this book!

    Sad to say, I suppose, native Floridians such as myself actually enjoy all the vermin and scary creatures because it helps keep the tourist population on their toes hahaha….

  8. Martha Reply

    March 21, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    If you do make it to Miami, look me up. Seriously, I’ve lived here all my life and would love to show you around.

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