March 16, 2011Vintage Bathroom-Wrecker Rant
Okay, okay. So I know that everyone has the right to their opinion. And everyone has a different idea about what looks good and what doesn’t. But when I see something like this:
Entered in a contest for the “Ugliest Bathroom”, I don’t see reason.
I just see red.
Premier Tile & Stone in Midland is running a contest to find the “Ugly Bathroom” in my town. You can see all the entries here. Some of them really are ugly. And worn down. And full of mold. But some of them are just ridiculous. The “entry” above is truly disgusting.
The person who entered the blue bathroom wrote this as their reason why people should vote their bathroom the “ugliest”:
The structure and tiles of this bathroom are in great shape, considering the age of the house … but the colors are a little hard on the eyes. Can you imagine coming into this every day? Not too relaxing! We would like to tear out the shower and replace with a soaker tub and shower fixtures. Up-to-date tile is preferred, especially if we can highlight the great block glass window! The sink space is limited; so is the toilet. But with a little engineering and sweat equity, we think this bathroom can become a highlight of the house! Thanks for voting!
So, let me get this straight. You want to rip out good quality tile to highlight a glass block window? Really? On what planet does that make sense?
Did it occur to you that this bathroom may already be the highlight of your house?
Calm down, calm down. Deep breath. Moving on.
This is another submission.
I can hear some of you screaming. Really. Right through the internet.
The pink bathroom submitter writes:
This is our main bathroom.. That EVERYONE see’s. And we are really tired of comments we receive every time they use it. This obviously was the standard issue back in the 50′s. It may of been fine back then, but it’s really starting to wear on us and we would really like to have a makeover which we can’t afford at this time PLEASE GET RID OF OUR UGLY PINK TILE AND TUBE!!!!
Yeah, it doesn’t sound like you need a new bathroom, lady. It sounds like you need to get some new friends. You know, some polite ones?
Also, the last plea would have had more effect on me if I could have found a pink tube to get all upset about.
And then there is this:
Which our more eagle-eyed readers will recognize from this poor house that we were praying would be snapped up by a mid-mod buyer.
But obviously got a gutter instead.
The gutter writes:
We have dubbed this the “Crane infested” bathroom! No shower, just a tub. We’d like to put in a ceramic tile shower with glass surround, new toilet and vanity. This is the Master bath, so a romantic retreat for two would be awesome!
Awww…no shower. What a tragedy. My heart bleeds for you. That’s a great reason to destroy a vintage showpiece.
And my heart also bleeds for this person too, who got the short end of the stick when they got stuck with starburst paneling and a boomerang countertop when they so desperately wanted country.
This is my mom’s bathroom that I secretly took pictures of. She keeps complaining about the 70′s counter top and paneling, but is not able to get it updated. Please help me get her bathroom in the at least the most recent century.
*Sniff* Isn’t it nice? He is trying to destroy her bathroom. Secretly.
This person writes:
Circa 1964 ~ Yeah, lovely Peach Sinks, w/speckled formica. Gotta love the outlet in the middle of the mirror frame… The light, thats circa 1985! Oh, and that lil silver thing by the light switch… a bonafide Nutone fan system! Seriously ~ Help, there is not a color made to go with these sinks, trust me I have tried them all!
Yes! I totally know what you mean! Peach goes with NOTHING! Not gray, not pink, not white, not tan! Nothing! And I know what you mean about those stupid Nutone fans. Those things just WON’T STOP WORKING! I wish mine would just quit so I could replace it with something cheap! And don’t even get me started on how much I hate gold-flecked Formica…
This person writes:
Oh yes, even the shower is pink. Please vote for me!
How HORRID! Even the shower???? No. No, that’s just too cruel.
Yes, watch how fast I go to vote for you. In fact, watch how fast I go to vote for all these bathrooms. And all the people who entered this contest who really need a new bathroom, those people with water damage, perma-stained fixtures, mold or crumbling walls, those people will just get a poke in the eye.
Here is a piece of advice: Next time, BUY A DIFFERENT HOUSE.
Whew. I think I am going to make myself a martini and lie down for a while.