No Pattern Required

JELLIED TONGUES!!

Congrats on great win, Kelly!  It was a tough road picking the winner.  Even tougher than the slices of jellied tongue.

Uhhh…that picture still makes me a little queasy.

Now, once again for your viewing pleasure, here is Tom tasting the winning dish!

Contemplating.

Bravely trying.

Chewing.

Approving? Crazy!

You know, it’s kind of strange that the dish Tom actually gave a thumbs-up to turned out to be the most visually unappetizing.  But I couldn’t choke it down, so there you go.

Oh, if you are curious, the Worst Recipe in Tom’s opinion was the Creamed Eggs in a Corned Beef Crust from Sharon. 

For me it was the Tongue.  All the way.

In case you didn’t see it, the Jellied Tongues was mentioned in the Phoenix NewTimes Eater’s Digest Blog.  It was apparently the most digusting recipe they have seen in a while. Score.

Congrats again, Kelly, and thanks to everyone who entered our fun contest!  Over the next few weeks we will be featuring other contest entries that were hilariously weird but weren’t in the Top 4.  So Andrea, Gabrielle, Cassie and Melanie, you had better stay tuned!

By RetroRuth

This is it!!!  And so begins the voting for the Worst Mid-Century Recipe Contest. To bring everyone up to speed, these are the recipes that were submitted by YOU, the readers, for the dubious honor of being crowned the Worst Mid-Century Recipe, and this stunning vintage prize pack:

*Note: Fabulous Conant-Ball Table not included!

There was a flood of responses.  Tom and I sat down with our laptop and a barf bag, and pared the entries down to a lean, disgusting four.

Finalist #1 – Summer Salad Pie From Kathrin (aka Miss Marwood)

Ummm…does this one even need an intro??

A cheese crust, tomato/lemon gelatin filling (of pure evil!), all topped off with tuna salad. Ack. 

This is what Miss Marwood had to say for herself:

*Gak* Thankfully, the little disgusting bits around the side were NOT included in the recipe.  Much to Adriane’s disappointment and my joy.

I hope you find it as disgusting as I do!

Cheers to a fun blog contest!

Best,

Adriane

www.atomiclilly.blogspot.com

Here is a photo of the finished “tower”:

And Tom’s reaction:

I think this was a disappointing one for everyone!

The Verdict: Surprisingly tasteless.  For all the scary trappings of this thing, it wasn’t bad at all.  I mean, it wasn’t great, but we have totally eaten worse. Disaster averted!

To see the whole, gut-churning post, click HERE.

Finalist #3 – Creamed Eggs In Corned Beef Crust from Sharon (aka Charm and Poise)

This one is exciting because it is the only non-gelatin-based dish chosen as a finalist.  And it beat out other gelatin dishes, so you know it has to be gag-tacular.

Here is what Sharon had to say for herself:

I’ve gone a bit out of the box on this one.  It has no aspic in it nor is it made in a mold — two of the best features of a mid-century recipe!  However, this recipe benefits mostly from the photo which is such a clear example of someone being asleep at the cookbook recipe photo wheel that it seems impossible it actually was published.  This sad state of affairs additionally benefits from the fact that it came from Happy Living!  A Guidebook For Brides (1965, 1966, 1970) signaling the fact that some harried, newly married woman might’ve thought it a good idea to serve this to her husband.  And finally, it is a nonsensical recipe that calls for relatively normal ingredients to be combined in an abnormal way to make up a dish that is — from the photo at least — impossible to serve in a nice, neat way. 

 

For your pleasure, then, is Creamed Eggs in a Corned Beef Crust.

 

Cheers!

Sharon (Charm and Poise from Flickr)

 

Here is a picture of the finished “pie”:

And Tom’s reaction:

The Verdict:  Not bad.  Tom ate it.  If you don’t like cream of mushroom soup, don’t try this.  The eggs were totally stupid, but not gag-inducing.  I feel sorry for the poor bride who tried to serve this to company. Yeck.

To see the whole, ridiculous post, click HERE.

Finalist #4 – Jellied Tongues from Kelly (aka EarthaKitsch)

So, this is the entry that has caused the most controversy, from hard-core readers, casual readers, and even my friends and family. It turns out some of you REEEEEEALY like tongue.

But I have to tell all of you, a boiled tongue, before it has been skinned, looks disgusting. 

Here is the finished dish:

Mmmm…meaty. 

Here is Tom’s reaction:

The Verdict:  Tom claimed it was good.  That the tongue just tasted like beef and it was fine with him.  I just couldn’t get it down enough to even taste it, really.  It was chewy.  And that is all I am going to say.

To read the whole, controversial post, click HERE.

So, those are your finalists!!!!  Please vote for the recipe that you think is the WORST Mid-Century Recipe! Voting will close on August 24th at midnight, and the winner will be announced in the August 25th Mid-Century Menu post. Good luck to all of our finalists!

By RetroRuth

Well, this is the end of the line. Absolutely, totally rock bottom.  I asked for the Worst Mid-Century Recipes you guys could throw at me, and I got what I wanted.  Four hilarious and horrible offerings from the world of Mid-Century Cooking. And I think it is pretty fitting that we end this contest with the creepiest recipe of the bunch.

Jellied Tongues.  That’s right.  You read that correctly.  Jellied. Tongues.

Thanks to Kelly, aka EarthaKitsch, for submitting this odd and horrifiying recipe.  And by the way, I hate you now, Kelly. Seriously.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No, seriously.

I must admit that I was trying to find any way, any small reason at all why I couldn’t make this thing.  I put off calling around to look for tongue until the last possible minute. I got Kelly’s recipe submission on June 30th. I didn’t call the butcher shop until this Monday. 

“Hello, this is the meat counter.”

“Yeah, umm…hi.”

“Hi. Can I help you?”

“Yeah….I’m…ahhhh…looking for tongue.”

“Tongue?”

“Yeah, beef tongue.  Crazy, huh? Well, I am sure you don’t have any, sothanksandI’mjustgonnahangup..”

“Beef tongue?  Oh, yeah. We’ve got it in the freezer. How much to you need?”

“Son of a…”

“What was that?”

“I said, beef. Beef tongue. A whole one. I will pick it up this afternoon.”

So, thanks butchers of Midland for having freaking beef tongue on hand. Thanks a lot.  No weaseling out that way.  And thanks for giving me the unique experience of seeing a beef tongue in a plastic bag, laying on the floor of my car.

When I brought the horrible thing home, I refused to touch it.  So, Tom had to step up and do the prep for the tongue.  Here is the awfulness in photos.  Those of you who are pregnant (I am looking at you, Andrea) might want to avert your eyes now.  I mean it.

Yep, there it is.  One cow tongue.  And brave Tom holding it.

Cramming it in a pot.

God!!!

Okay, everyone take a deep breath because the next one is a screamer.  Ready…inhale…

Yeeeeaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!  Ahhhh! Ahhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhh….God. Look at it, just look. I hope you are happy, Kelly.

Damnit, it’s a tongue!!!!

Then Tom peeled it.  Yes, peeled it.  I didn’t take pictures of that part, because I got so nauseated I had to leave the room.  And don’t mock me for having a weak stomach.  I never claimed I was Farmgirl!

Luckily, after Tom peeled it (gag) and sliced it, it looked more like meat.

And there you have it.  Slices of beef tongue.  With only small amounts of screaming on the side. 

So, after a pep-talk phone call from my mom (“It’s just beef. I ate it as a kid. You eat hot dogs, don’t you?  Just don’t think about it and eat it.”) I was ready to actually touch it. Oh, and make the recipe.  That, too.

Oh, and a side note, Kelly.  This recipe didn’t call for olives at all!!! What the heck are they doing in the photo??  Weirdness.

Well, at least this part is fine.  Especially cause there are no hooves in this gelatin.

Beef stock, onions, vinegar, salt and pepper.  I wasn’t supposed to add the salt and pepper till later, but looking at the tongue slices was still kind of freaking me out and I forgot what I was doing for a second.

Oh, another disturbing photo.  This is the “tongue stock”, better known as “the water we boiled the tongue in”. And THAT my friends, went into the gelatin.

This is all getting a little too “Little House on the Prairie” for me.

Eggs in the pan.  Because what would a MCMenu be without hard-boiled eggs, I ask you?

Soooooo, I touched it.  I had to eventually.  I mean, I can’t be a namby-pamby forever.  And you guys were counting on me to get my butt in gear and get that stupid gelatin made. I can’t disappoint you!

More tongue and eggs, and then the gelatin.

By the way, my whole kitchen smelled like cooking tongue.  It was almost enough to bring the gags back.

Whew.  Done. 

Sweet Jesus.

“Are you ready, Babe?”

“Yeah,” he stretched his neck and shook out his shoulders, like he was getting ready to lift something. “I can do this.”

“Well??!!?”

“It’s fine.  Tastes like beef.  But the combination of meat and gelatin still just isn’t right.”

I still balked. “I don’t want to do this.  Don’t make me.”

“Come on, you have to.”

“No!! No, I don’t want to!”

“Just a little bite.  Here, just this little one.”

I took it gingerly from the fork.  Chewed, and ran for the sink.

Tom was laughing. “What do you think?”

*Gak*

It took a whole glass of milk to get the taste out of my mouth.  And yes, I realize the irony of washing down cow tongue with cow’s milk.   But at that point I didn’t care, I just wanted it down.  It was just so…chewy.  I couldn’t do it, especially with the picture of the cooked tongue in my mind.

The Verdict:  Tom claimed it was good.  That the tongue just tasted like beef and it was fine with him.  I just couldn’t get it down enough to even taste it, really.  It was chewy.  And that is all I am going to say.

He ate two whole servings. Two!!!!  I am agog.

So, that is the last finalist for the Mid-Century Menu!!! Whew!!!! Thank god that is over.  Come back next week to see some of the runners-up, and to start the voting on which recipe was the Worst. 

I think I am going to go lie down for awhile.

By RetroRuth

Ohhhhhh, baby.  Check this out! This week we have excitement, mayhem, craziness and canned salmon! In gelatin! Seriously!

The finalist for this week’s menu is really something else.  I got this horrifying recipe from Adriane L., who wrote:

I’m submitting the most disgusting mid-century recipe I have ever come across…  I LOVE the cook book it came from, which is literally crammed full of disgusting dishes involving gelatin and canned meat.  But this one is by far the worst.  This cookbook dates from the late 50′s and was re-printed in the early 60′s.  I included a scan of the cover.

I hope you find it as disgusting as I do!

Cheers to a fun blog contest!

Best,

Adriane

www.atomiclilly.blogspot.com

Well, Cheers to you too, Adriane.  Also….dang.  And gag.  And some other disgusting reactions. You know, I hate two things quite a bit. Fish and gelatin.  And this dish some how magically brings them both together to be totally disgusting.

And for some reason, those cucumber slices look like eyes.  Does anyone else see that?

The innocent ingredients.

Holy bloomin’ gelatin, Batman!

Does anyone else think this looks like tinkle in a bowl?  Anyone?

“No, no, no, don’t worry. It’s lemon.”

Maaaaybe I shouldn’t have used my gel coloring on this. Whew.

The second round.

See??? Tinkle.

Also, I didn’t have an impressive enormous mold like they do, so we are going to have to settle for a shorter one.

The second layer.  Very….scummy.

Unmolded.  Oh dear God!

The unspeakable cross-section.

Ummm…yum??

Down the hatch!!

“This tastes like a whole lot of nothing.”

I closed my eyes, and took a bite.  For a gut-wrenching moment, I waited for the terrible taste to register. And then I waited another moment. And another moment.  I cracked my eye open, and started to chew. Nothing.  It tasted like nothing, just like the brave man said it would.

Well, not nothing.  I mean, I could taste a canned pea, a bit of salmon, and some green pepper, but they just tasted like themselves. Another cautious bite yielded the same result. Whew!

The Verdict: Surprisingly tasteless.  For all the scary trappings of this thing, it wasn’t bad at all.  I mean, it wasn’t great, but we have totally eaten worse. Disaster averted!

Thanks, Adriane!  I am glad to report that this did not kill us!

Come back next week to see the next finalist in our Worst Recipe Contest.  It is going to be truly a terrible experience!

I love the Mid-Century Menu for so many reasons.  Well, not for taste reasons, but there are a lot of other good reasons the Mid-Century Menu is awesome.  One of them is that it gives me an excuse for my ridiculously huge cookbook collection. Another is that it gives me new techniques and recipes to try even if dishes don’t turn out as planned.

The third reason I love it is that Tom and I get to do something really fun together during the week.  We both enjoy planning and making the Menu, which isn’t a traditional hobby, but it is still really fun for us.

So,” Tom said last week as we were paging through cookbooks, “I think we should do gelatin for next week’s Mid-Century Menu.”

“Ohhhkay,” I said, “What do you have in mind?”

“How about this?” He held up the Gel-Cookery Recipe Book, published by Knox in 1955.  I felt a little thrill of disgust go through me.  I don’t like gelatin even when it is fruit flavored, and Jellied Eggs taught me I didn’t like it savory either. 

 ”Do you have a recipe picked out?”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice evil, “this one.”

“Ohhhhhhhhhh no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I really mean it. No.”

“Oh yes,” he nodded his head, “ This is perfect. It has Spam in it. It’s even two layers.” He was really excited.

I sighed.  “Fine. Let’s make the grocery list.”

Poor little ingredients.  They never even had a chance.

Here is the first round of gelatin, all mixed up and ready for the fridge. Now, I don’t use gelatin in cooking at all, so even though I wasn’t looking forward to the end result, it was still an interesting process to go through.  Especially since I couldn’t imagine what the gelatin of this layer was going to taste like.  It had a lot of lemon in it, so was it going to be lemony?  Or taste like Spam? Do I really want to know?

The celery and Spam all diced up and ready to go.  Oh God!

No mayonaise is an island. Except for this one.

I get it now! Mayonaise flavored gelatin! Of course!

Quiet down now, guys.  I can’t think over all your screaming. Especially you, Sara.

No, this isn’t the Twilight Zone.  That is actually mayo flavored gelatin with Spam and celery in it.  And it is ready for the fridge. Shudder.

While the Horror in the Pan solidified in the fridge, I started on the next layer, which was basically tomato gelatin.

With chopped, hard-boiled eggs in it.

Yeah, cause that’s natural. Sure.

The hard-boiled eggs trying not to drown in the chilled tomato gelatin.

And here it is, poured over the Spam layer. And it DOES look a little like barf.

Even though it is vile, I am still proud of this unmolding job.  See!  Only slightly messed up! Still Disgusting Dinner Picture Perfect, though.

In the background is the side dish, Golden Salad, which also unmolded with no problem. Huzzah!

A cross-section, to show off the hard-won layer effect.

“Are you ready for this?”  I was trying to get Tom psyched up. “Are you ready?”

“Okay,” he said, rolling his head on this shoulders.  “I can do this.  I’m ready.”

He took a bite.

And then looked confused.

“Is it horrible?”

“This,” he said slowly, “is the strangest thing I have ever eaten.”

“You say that a lot now,” I said, and I took a bite.  It WAS completely and totally the strangest thing I had ever eaten.  The mayo and Spam layer actually wasn’t that bad.  It just had a really bizarre texture.  The tomato egg layer was even weirder. Everything was really slippery and cold.  It wasn’t a pleasant sensation in your mouth.

About halfway through my slice, I was done.  After awhile, it started to gag me. 

“I don’t think I can do this.”

“This must be diet food.  Because I sure don’t want to eat anymore.”

We came to a standstill about 10 minutes in. I had eaten about two-thirds of my slice, and Tom had eaten two slices and the rest of my slice.

“We did it.”

“Good for us,” Tom was looking around, “Now where is that chocolate pie?”

The Verdict:

Spam and Egg Gelatin:  Weird, but not disgusting. The texture is what really puts you off at the end. The gelatin was too much for me after awhile, and I had to stop. Tom says he will finish the leftovers.

Golden Salad: Surprisingly good. I thought this would be nasty, but it was good and not too sweet. Tom said it tasted like a traditional gelatin salad with fruit.

Brown Derby Black Bottom Pie:  Good.  The texture of the pie is a little strange, but you get over it pretty fast. Tom ate three peices. But don’t try topping it with whipped, sweetened evaporated milk, which is what I tried out of laziness.  It melts really fast.  As you can see, the topping didn’t even make it through dinner.  Use whip cream or Cool Whip.

Well, we’ve finally done it.  I didn’t think the Mid-Century Menu could sink any lower, but it has.  This is it people, the final 1950′s culinary atrocity.

Gelatin.

You heard me.  I am breaking into the 1950′s gelatin salad craze, quite possibly one of the scariest ages in culinary history. 

When Tom called me from work on Monday, I announced my intentions.  After I asked how his day was going, and I told him the daily story of how a cat has destroyed something, or fell off something, or got stuck in something, I decided to spring it on him.

“So,”  I said deceptively casual, “I have decided what I am making for the Mid-Century Menu this week.”

“Really? What is it?  That noodle ring thing?”

“Nope, I am making Jellied Stuffed Eggs.”

Crickets.

“Tom, you still there?”

“Seriously?  You are really making that?’

“Yep, I am going to the store in a few minutes to buy the stuff.”

“Uh.  Why do we keep doing this?”

Anyway, Jellied Stuffed Eggs comes from 300 Ways to Serve Eggs, published by the Culinary Arts Institute in 1950.  This book is completely about, you guessed it, eggs. 300 ways to make eggs, in fact.

And here are the eggs I choose.

Ohhhhhh….my….goodness….

The caption on the photo says “A rich and savory filling lies beneath the limpid exterior of these jellied molds.”

Oh god.

Ok. Not so bad, right?  It is just chicken stock with a deviled egg inside it, right?  It can’t be that bad, right?  Right?

Sigh.

Thankfully, only a few ingredients in these babies.

The first thing I did was put the gelatin in cold water to “bloom” or soften. This is basically just a step when the gelatin absorbs extra water to ensure you get a smooth gelatin set.

The eggs all split open and ready to scoop.  They were great hardboiled eggs – it felt like a waste to use them on stuffed eggs!

All the ingredients for the egg fillling together at last.  This was a weird filling that had both green olives and pickles.  Uh. But I tasted it and it wasn’t too offensive, so I was happy about that.

The filling all mixed up and ready to go.  At this point, I had forgotten why I was so apprehensive about this recipe.

Oh wait, now I remember.  The jellied chicken stock. Right.

The eggs all stuffed and ready to be crammed together. 

Here they are, waiting like good little soldiers to get doused in gelatin. Poor guys.

Anyway, as you can see, I lined the cups I had with plastic wrap, because I wasn’t sure I would be able to get the blobs out without it!

Here they are!  All jellied up and ready to hit the fridge.  Horrifiying, isn’t it?

Unmolding the jellied eggs.  And yes, they did look disturbingly like monster eyeballs.  Hmmm…I think I will have to remember this recipe for Halloween.

Oh God!  Here it is, ready to be eaten.  I must not have set the gelatin enough, or maybe I added too much liquid, because that stuff just slid right off those eggs.  Look at it pooling at the bottom of the plate!

The table, set for dinner.  The side dish is also courtesy of 300 Ways, it is boiled celery, hardboiled egg s and thousand island dressing. Yum!

And now, drumroll please….

Tom taking his first bite of jellied egg.

I was actually squealing by now. “How is it?  Is it awful?”

And now, a Mid-Century Menu first.

This is a picture of Tom gagging. Gagging!

After he finally struggled it down, he gasped, “This is vile.  I think we have a new number one for the worst Mid-Century Menu.”

You can imagine how excited I was after that to try mine. I ate a small bit, and he was right, it was vile.  It might have helped if it would have gelled a bit more so we could have chewed it instead of it sliding around like snot everywhere, but then again it might have been just as nasty.  The stuffed eggs weren’t too bad, and Tom scraped off the jellied bits and ate them while I ate the plain eggs from the other platter.

The Verdict:  Vile Beyond Imagining

Jellied Stuffed Eggs:  Totally disgusting.

Egg and Celery “Salad”: Would have been just fine with raw celery, but was kind of gross with cooked celery.  The thousand island dressing with the hardboiled eggs was good.

Tom “enjoying” his cooked celery.